“A boundary is the distance from which you need to love someone.” (~Jules Cazedessus)
I was very happy to find this short interview because I have been working with and thinking often about boundaries. She says here that boundaries are crucial for empathy, compassion and vulnerability.
Thinking about boundaries I am reminded of a metaphor a colleague shared with me. There is an old bridge and you must cross it in the dark. Boundaries are those guard posts with the shiny reflectors all over them. If you have the boundaries you can easily and safely cross the bridge. Without those boundaries you are fumbling over it in the dark. Since you cannot see the edges you are afraid and wary the entire traverse.
Providing clear boundaries for others is just like setting up those reflective guard posts. They help others relate to you in a safe manner. It is also just as important to maintain the ones you set. Going back to our metaphor of the bridge, you don’t want to have a big hole in your guardrail for someone to fall through.
Dr. Brown talks here mostly about how it benefits the self, but the benefits accrue to everyone involved.