Self-Discipline and Boundaries
Inspired by a post on the Art of Manliness: http://www.artofmanliness.com/2009/06/17/30-days-to-a-better-man-day-18-find-your-n-u-t-s/
self-dis·ci·pline
noun
- the ability to control one’s feelings and overcome one’s weaknesses; the ability to pursue what one thinks is right despite temptations to abandon it.
synonyms:
self-control; restraint, self-restraint, self-command; willpower, purposefulness, strong-mindedness, resolve, moral fiber; doggedness, persistence, determination, grit
I would like to add another synonym: Self-Boundaries. Because self-discipline really comes down to setting boundaries for yourself.
In the No More Mr Nice Guy community we talk about things like having a great cake of a life and setting boundaries. I found the above post in the Art of Manliness website when I was researching boundaries. The post talks about creating N.U.T.S.: Non-Negotiable Unalterable Terms. What struck me about many of the examples provided (go look, this page will still be here when you return) was that they were rules set for the person setting the rules. For example, “I exercise regularly” or “I honor my daily spiritual practice”. In other words self-boundaries.
These are a matter of self-discipline and I think they relate to boundaries and thus can be an effective tool for growing your skill in setting boundaries with others. There is the boundary you set with yourself such as “I will go the gym every Tuesday, Thursday and Saturday” and then there is also the boundary this creates with others around you as you maintain the discipline. When your friends try to get you to go out after work on Tuesday, your boundary with them is also your own self-discipline to go to the gym instead of give in to their invitation.
What I am suggesting is that when you want to work on setting boundaries you can start with yourself. Because if you wont respect your own boundaries how can you expect others to respect them?
Consider this situation where you tell your romantic partner that she can spend the night but in the morning you have to go running with your running buddy. The morning comes and she says in her sexiest voice “come back to bed.” If you do you let down yourself, your running buddy and ultimately your romantic partner. You might think that it is right to do what she wants, it is right to give her that extra roll. It will make you look like a stud and romantic guru. It’s like right out of the movies! But she will notice you blew off your running buddy even while she delights in your extra playtime.
You will respect yourself more when you honor your own boundaries and from this will follow the respect of others. So start by taking a look at where you stand with self-discipline.