Self-Talk Revolution
The revolution is inside you and I am here to foment it.
I’m not good enough. People don’t like me. My hair looks stupid. This outfit makes me look huge. Why would they care about what I think? She doesn’t love me. I’m unlovable. I’m not ready. I’m too this. I’m not enough that.
This kind of self-talk is going on in our heads all the time. So much so that we barely notice it. We start to believe it and we internalize it and we reject evidence that would disprove it.
It gets worse though.
How could you have done that? That was stupid. You’re stupid. You should have known better.
Now you’re actually punishing yourself. You did or said something, maybe even at great risk or vulnerability, and things didn’t go the way you had hoped. Now you look back to find out why and what you come up with ends up being self-talk that actually makes it harder to try again.
Now think back to some time when you received praise. Maybe you know someone who gives you a lot of praise. How do you feel about them or that situation as you look back at it? Don’t you want more of it, to hang out with that person more often? I know my coach and my colleagues who coach are really good about this. They hear me tear myself down and they build me back up with praise.
Now certainly some of this serves a purpose. Most of the behaviors and thoughts we want to eliminate serve us in some way. Even our ego has its uses.
So maybe the great army of punishing self-talk cannot be fully eliminated but we can diminish its power by increasing our own positive self-talk. Just like that friend, coach, parent, mentor who builds you up.
Speaking of coaches…there is a good deal of literature around self-talk in sports. In summary, it works.
We can start simply by counteracting the deepest and basest negative thought we have about ourselves.
I’m not enough. Does this resonate? You might not hear the voice that is telling you but if you spend some time counteracting it you might begin to notice.
Do this: say to yourself “I am enough”.
Again
Again but louder
Again and more forcefully
Again with absolutely no doubt
Again like you are countering an argument
Again like you feel deep love for yourself
Again like the words are a warm shower
Take out a sheet of paper or a post-it note. Get a marker. Write it down.
I Am Enough
Now go stick that on your bathroom mirror. Make a few more. Add a reminder to your phone to ping you with this message every day.
Try this meditation for 5 days straight, it only takes 5 minutes.
This is revolution remember? We aren’t going to win this if we just say the words a few times, finish reading this article, and move on with our lives. Act like it counts. Give it 5 days. This is how you start your self-talk revolution.